Right now, I feel like not such a great mom. Like I have no patience with my kids. I've always cited that characteristic as the reason why I could never be a teacher. Absolutely no patience for 20 something kids in a classroom all day. Teachers truly have my utmost respect. I definitely could never do it.
Right now, in the quiet of the night, I think about the day gone by and remember being aggravated with Aaron a good amount of times throughout the day. At the time, the reasons seemed so important. Now, I can't even remember one of them. Okay, maybe I can remember one of them, but for the most part, I don't remember why I felt like I was having such a rough day.
Right now I can think about the day more clearly. He's a 5 year old boy. Entitled to be a little wild, entitled to not listen 100% of the time. Are my expectations too high? Do I think he should be more mature than he really is? Do I jump the gun and react to quickly?
Right now, I feel sad because although I want to enjoy my kids as they are now, in the moment, I lose sight of that. I don't know why I find it so hard to just let loose and have fun.
Right now, I remember my daughter asking me today to do her Dora puzzle with her and I can't remember what was so important that I told her to wait a few minutes. We never wound up doing the puzzle together.
Right now, as they sleep, I can feel in my heart how much I love them. They look so peaceful, so quiet. Like they are the perfect kids.
Right now, I wonder why I can't be exactly who and what I want to be for them. I remind myself that they will only be little once and that as each day passes, I can never get it back.
Right now, I promise to try my hardest to be a better mom to them tomorrow.
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Oh, I can definitely relate. I do have moments like that and then at the end of the day, I reflect and just want to run upstairs and hold Hailey in my arms and just tell her how much I love her. I actually made a point today to get down on the floor and play with her...something I really don't do very often. I think that's why we are so good at what we do though, we can sit back at the end of the day and know what we want to change tomorrow. Tomorrow will be a brand new day and you can start again. I think that is the best thing about being a mom.
ReplyDeleteHappy Birthday! Just read it on Adventures in Babywearing :)
ReplyDeleteIt's okay. I've been feeling that way a lot lately, but the good news is that we do always have a tomorrow.
ReplyDeleteI so could have written this post.. sometimes I get so wrapped up in me to see them.. thankfully I wake up and get to try at motherhood again.. and I do it with a smile.. :)
ReplyDeleteI feel EXACTLY this way. ALL the time. I hate it. And yet I don't change. WHY?? :=(
ReplyDeleteThanks for being honest about emotions that all moms feel, but don't often share. The part about the puzzle really hit home for me because I do the exact same thing! Here's hoping that tomorrow (and the next day, and the next day...) will be better. :)
ReplyDeleteI understand your feelings because I struggle with them too.
ReplyDeleteThanks for expressing yourself so honestly. (Found you through Musings of a Housewife)
Oh mom you are not alone! I think just about every mom feels this way several times a week. Give your kids an extra hug today, remind yourself that you too are not perfect, you are entitled to be a little wild sometimes too and it is ok. You are just a mom doing the best you can and your kids will love you for all the good you do!
ReplyDeleteTerra
Wow you put that perfectly. I share your exact same sentiments. I have four kids- eight and under and I feel like this everyday in different degrees.
ReplyDeletethanks for sharing. I'm a dad and feel like this often as well. Don't feel bad, whenever we feel like this at the end of the day we just need to resolve to do better
ReplyDelete