The New Bachelorette

I think that I have watched one season of The Bachelor in its entirety. I did though watch the entire season of The Bachelorette with Jen Sheft, all the way through to the disastrous ending, and also the season with Trista and Ryan (awww.....). On the seasons of The Bachelor, I've usually watched the last episode. On the last season, Bachelor Brad Womack cheesed out, couldn't commit and didn't pick anyone. He did though break a heart. DeAnna's. Twice. And guess what? Yup, DeAnna is the newest Bachelorette. She's young, sweet and adorable. And we're going to follow her this season. Yup, I am going to commit to watching The Bachelorette this season! Because, you know, as a mom, wife, business owner, employee, blogger and friend, I don't have enough to do.

So here's our first recap. **Don't read this if you have The Bachelorette on TIVO because there are spoilers**

The first episode was two hours, which is pretty much too long for a TV show (unless it is Grey's Anatomy). This recap is not going to be that long.

The first part of the show reviewed DeAnna's humiliation with Brad. How he didn't choose her. How she was miserable. And how, at the reunion show, he didn't choose her again. So the host (what's his name??) says, "This time, DeAnna will be the one breaking hearts." Does that mean we are going to see these men cry? Oy.

The show moves on to show little clips of some of the guys. They are mostly shirtless, shaving, getting dressed and packing. The do though show Sean breaking wood (get your minds out of the gutter, he's a martial-arts master) and Richard incredibly into teaching his science class in Binghamton (go NY!). Another guy talks about his divorce and then they show Luke picking oysters. Yup, that's his job. He's an oyster picker. They show more guys in the shower and one even demonstrates how he does his hair. Wow, this show is really deep. And there really isn't anything else on TV. Ryan goes on to talk about how he's very religious, doesn't drink, smoke or cuss and is a virgin. And he's wondering how DeAnna will deal with that. My first impression is that some alot of these guys are dorky. And then they introduce Jason. A single dad from Washington state. They show him putting his son to sleep, talking about being separated to his son. As a mom, it's heartbreaking. But this guy is my favorite. He's so my favorite that I already want him to win. He's adorable, so that doesn't hurt.

On to the guys meeting DeAnna. The voice over is all of these guys talking smack about Brad Womack. Oh, and how their moms are happy because now DeAnna could be with them. One of the guys in the limo even warns another one not to throw up on DeAnna. Oy vey.

Oh wait, before they meet Brad, Cris takes DeAnna into another room and talks for another few minutes about Brad. And how he broke her heart. Twice.

Okay, now it's really time for the guys to meet DeAnna. One by one, each guy comes out of the limo and has about thirty seconds with DeAnna. I'm hoping that the editing is just really bad because these meetings are extremely awkward. So much so that it makes me uncomfortable. And embarrased for alot of them. And I'm thinking - where on earth did they find all of these guys?? It must be slim pickings for bachelors these days, because these guys...let's just say that words can not describe them.

Here's each guy in summary:
Brian from Texas - he looks older than his 31 years, but he comes out with some cheesy line about why he's doing the show.
Paul - he's short. That's my first impression. He's from Canada and okay, he twirls her around. Hmmm...
Graham - he's cute, in a very tall and lanky sort of way.
Sean - here's the Martial Arts master. He totally needs a haircut.
Rich - the science teacher who is impressed with the fact that he did not trip on the way to DeAnna. But he wants to talk about campfire stories with her. Huh?
Jason - He's awesome. And he speaks Greek to DeAnna (did I mention that she is Greek??). And he's not even Greek. But he's still adorable.
Spero - sort of Elvis Costello-ish looking. I'm confused because his name sounds Greek, but he doesn't say anything about being Greek. Hmmm..
Jesse - skater dude. Wearing some crazy jacket and jeans and the only thing DeAnna says to him is "You got really dressed up." Uh-oh. Things do not look good for Jesse.
John - this is the guy that did his hair. He does nothing for me.
Chris - he says alot of "awesome" and looks at her dress and says "bling bling". Huh?

Cut to the guys talking inside, like a bunch of girls. This has got to be scripted because guys DO NOT talk like this. Ever.

Second limo:
Brian from Indiana - he's really tall, admits that he's nervous and seems to be okay.
Jeffrey and Don really leave no impression at all.
Ryan - immediately talks about how strong he is in his faith. Is that something you bring up right away?
Blaine, aka Twilley - what?? He looks like Pee Wee Herman. And is amazed that DeAnna hugs him.

There's 10 more left. Have I lost you yet? This is quick. Imagine having to watch this. It's almost painful. Almost painful enough to decide not to watch the rest of the season. But the "coming soon" shows one guy howling like a coyote. I feel like I'm in a twilight zone. Bachelorette induced.

On to the last 10....

Ron - he's not wearing his suit jacket. Why? He left it in the car.
Patrick C. - John Mayer-ish looking guy with the floppy hair. he's cute, in a grungy sort of way.
Luke - here's the oyster farmer. DeAnna says, "Tell me something funny." He says, "Something funny? Okay, you look great." Huh? DeAnna feels the same way. Lots of nervous laughter. Things are not looking good for Luke.
Eric - another Greek speaker. After Jason, he's already my second fave.
Robert - very tall. And he does a little salsa with DeAnna. And he's a chef which is great.
Chandler - he keeps looking off to the site. What is he looking at? DeAnna asks him and he says that he's looking at her. Dude, she's not on the other side of the house.
Greg - he gets bonus points from me because he's from New York City.
Fred - the craziest Chicago accent I've ever heard. I'm also wondering if he brushed his hair. He looks like he's got bed head. Really bad bed head.
Patrick D. and Jeremy - the final two and they are totally blah. I've got nothing to say about either of them.

The next half hour is spent with all of these guys trying to talk to DeAnna. It's long and on the boring side but here are the highlights.
- Jason gets the first alone time with DeAnna. He's still adorable. And he's waiting to tell her about his son. Smart move, Jason!
- DeAnna's friend Jenni comes to interview the guys and help out. Don is wasted and asks Jenni to sit on his lap. Okay, he's totally history. What a pig. She really likes Graham, Jason and Jesse.
- The first impression roses (3 of them!!) got to Jeremy (can't figure that one out), Richard and Jesse. Wow, Jesse rose from the ashes. He's cute!
- Martial arts master sets up and kicks a rose off of Jesse's head. Hmmm.
- Paul jumps in the pool, strips down to his little speedo that says "DeAnna" on the butt. Really odd. But she does notice him. And, by the ending rose ceremony, his clothes are dry. Must be "reality" television.
- DeAnna sits outside with Ryan and a blanket. Or rather, Ryan, under a blanket. And she is freezing. Luckily, Spero saves the day and comes out and gives her his coat and chastises Ryan. Not a great start for the guys.
- Robert throws on an apron and starts cooking an appetizer for DeAnna, which impressed me. Robert is rising in my eyes.
- Eric talks to DeAnna about their Greek families and the Greek wedding they are going to have.
- Chandler whips out a duck caller and Brian from Indiana forces DeAnna to feel his abs. Psycho?

On to the rose ceremony. 10 guys are going home. Thank god. I thought this season was going to go into 2009. However, it's mostly not surprising who gets a rose and who goes home. Here's the breakdown:

Staying - Ron, Graham, Eric, Robert, Twilley, Sean, Ryan, Paul, Fred, Jason, Jesse, Richard, Jeremy, Brian from Texas and Chris.

Going - Don, Chandler, Greg, Brian from Indiana, Luke, Spero, John, Jeffrey, Patrick C. and Patrcik D.

I could make this longer but I'm totally going to stop here. It's going to be a LONG season.