A Letter to The Bachelorette

Dear DeAnna -

Please tell me that last night I had a major nightmare and in it, you chose Jesse over Jason. Please say that that didn't really happen. Being that I am pretty sure that Jesse is the reality, I have to tell you that I am very disappointed in your decision. On so many levels. And although Jesse is a rad guy with a great handshake, I can almost promise you that later on when you are a little bit wiser than your 26 years, you will look back and regret this decision.

Jason is the complete package - he's adorable, devoted, a great dad and has a great family. He's looking for love, looking for commitment and wanted to spend the rest of his life with you. Jason would be loyal, he would love you forever. He's got a great job, would be able to support you and any kids that came along and is all around amazing. His family is big and fun, and they accepted you with open arms and wanted you to join them. This guy took off his suit of armor and let you in, and you behaved as you swore you wouldn't - you acted just like Brad.

Jesse is cute and fun, and his life in Breck is probably totally awesome, but didn't it bother you in the least that everytime he saw you, he thought you were "so hot" and everything you did was "so ridiculous"? Of course the dates were amazing, ABC was footing the bill. Sweetie, your life is not going to be anywhere near what you experienced the past 6 weeks. Do you think that Jesse will be able to support you and children financially while he's snowboarding? What happens when he gets hurt? Or old? What will he be doing after he turns 30 (gasp), other than looking exactly like his dad?

Oh DeAnna, from the beginning my bets were on Jason. From the very first episode. He was so sincere and was there for all the right reasons. He was there for love. I have to say, I was surprised when you kept advancing Twilley, but in retrospect, I think that that had to be the part of the producers. No woman looking for love would keep Twilley around, he's a total idiot. Jesse was the clown, the fun guy, he brought some spunk to the duds on this show. I liked him and was happy you kept giving him roses, but I certainly never thought he would wind up in the final 2, much less the last man standing. I thought the end would be Jeremy and Jason. Don't get me wrong, I'm glad you eliminated Jeremy. He wasn't right for you. He actually was a little bit on the creepy side. Other than losing a parent, you really had nothing in common. And he was a little too over the top. And did I mention a little creepy?

But Jesse? Really? What can he provide for you? Fun going down a mountain? Endless pairs of pink shoelaces? He didn't even have an answer for your dad when he asked him what he would do when his snowboarding career is over. Are you really going to live in Breckenridge? In the snow? Because there's no way that Jesse is going to move to Atlanta. You can't snowboard there. And I'm sure that Atlanta doesn't rank up there on his list of rad places to live. Plus your family makes him way too nervous to be around them for extended periods of time, ie, more than 10 minutes.

Enough about you being a "free spirit". Seriously. You're looking for your soulmate, someone to marry and have children with. Your days of being a free spirit are over. If you were going to make a bad decision, you should have chosen Graham. That would have at least been fun.

Jesse will always be a little boy. He's like Peter Pan, he'll never grow up. That might be a problem after a few years and a couple of kids because you will always feel like you have an extra child. But you will grow up, DeAnna, and you will want grown up things. You'll want conversations that go beyond "you're hot" and "totally ridiculous".

I do wish you happiness, but I know enough to be certain that you and Jesse just aren't meant to be. I don't think that you two will ever get married, and if you do, it will be very short lived. You'll look back on your days of Bachelorette-dom and regret your decision to ever let Jason get away from you.

Oh, DeAnna, Jesse is so not right for you. You made a really bad decision. Keep thanking Brad, because he's definitely having a good laugh right about now.

Love,
Your friends in NY

The Bachlorette Episode 2 Recap

My timing definitely sucks. Sometimes though, life gets in the way of writing the latest Bachelorette recap. Without further ado, here it is.

My thoughts have not changed from last week. I spent a good part of the two hours of this week's episode thinking, what garbage can did they find these guys under? But, I digress.

The show opens with a very long recap of last week’s episode, which of course includes DeAnna’s debacle from her season on The Bachelor with Brad. I really don’t understand why they keep bringing this up. The poor girl was mortified in front of the entire country, not once, but TWICE by this guy. Why does ABC keep throwing it out there? If I was DeAnna, I’d be plenty pissed off. Moving on. You can read my recap of episode 1 here, I can’t go through that again.

Anyway. All of the guys are standing in front of the beautiful mansion when Chris lets them know that no, they won’t be staying there. Instead they’ll be staying in a dingy guesthouse where they have to shower outside under a shower head with no walls. However, three of the guys will stay in the mansion with DeAnna. This week, these guys are the three that received first impression roses last week – Jeremy, Richard and Jesse. Needless to say, these three guys are totally psyched.

One of the guys from the house brings a date card to the guys in the guest house. The date card tells them who gets to go on a date with DeAnna. The first date goes to Jason, Ryan, Twilley, Sean, Paul, Fred and Richard. For me, nothing has changed since last week. Love Jason. Can’t stand Twilley (he always looks like his eyes are closed for some reason). At this point, I’m pretty ambivalent to the rest. This date brings them to The Magic Castle, which looks pretty cool. It’s a house that just has magic tricks, magicians and other stuff everywhere. For the first trick, DeAnna has to pick an assistant and she picks Jason. He’s SO happy. So am I. They climb into a box, the magician does his thing and what do you know, they disappear. Shocker. The guys are pissed. Jason and DeAnna disappear for what seems like awhile into a room where they sit on a couch and talk. It seemed like Jason was going to tell her about his son, which I was personally hoping that he wouldn’t, but he didn’t. Smart guy. Not that he’s hiding it, but he wants her to get to know him before she prejudges him for having a kid. I though wonder where the kid's mom is – were they never married, are they divorced or did she pass away? My guess is that she’s alive somewhere because if she wasn’t, I’d bet money that ABC would be milking that. After Jason and DeAnna rejoin the group, Sean takes DeAnna away for a little chat on a loveseat next to a piano. This was probably one of the funniest things I’ve seen so far. Sean is the martial arts master (remember last week he decided to kick a lemon off of Jesse’s head?) and he doesn’t really do anything for me in the personality department. Oh, and he has a mullet. Bad haircuts aside, he starts to talk to DeAnna and wants her to know "another side" of him. Every time he starts to talk, the piano starts to play. And as he said, the piano isn’t just interrupting him, it’s mocking him. Seriously. Sorry Sean. He never got to say what he wanted to because of the piano, but it gave viewers a pretty good laugh at him. No way will he be the last one standing, so just end it now, DeAnna. Please don't give Sean a rose this week.

The guys at The Magic Castle all want to know who is going to get the rose that night, so they’re pulling out all the stops. DeAnna asks them to show her a magic trick each and some are okay, but then there’s Twilley. Oh wow, this guy is a total disaster. He gets in front of the group and starts to tell a story. Only it seems to go on F-O-R-E-V-E-R. And ever. And ever. I thought it was going to be the rest of the show, him telling his story. I couldn’t tell you what it was about because I lost interest and it really doesn’t matter. It was dumb. Really, really dumb. Oh, I hope he doesn’t get a rose. He shouldn't have even gotten one last week.

Here’s the first guy-fight. Why, oh why, do these guys act like a bunch of women? The fight is pretty much Twilley versus Paul and Ryan, with Paul and Ryan saying that they think Twilley isn’t there for the right reasons and if he’s going to hurt DeAnna and not open his heart to her, he should leave. Now Paul (the smart guy who stripped last week and jumped into the pool in the freezing cold) and Ryan (who this week revealed to the guys that he's a virgin) know DeAnna pretty well after what, one conversation? Oy vey.

DeAnna then talks to Fred and Paul. No excitement there. None at all. Fred has a major Chicago accent, Paul’s is from Canada. The conversation had no substance to it at all. Poor DeAnna, half the time she really must be bored to tears. Now it’s DeAnna’s turn to give one rose to someone in the group. She chooses Paul. Can’t figure out what she was thinking, but at least it wasn’t Twilley.

In the meantime, a date card gets delivered to the guesthouse for the guy who gets the only one on one date of the week. It goes to Graham. Although Jason is still my front runner, Graham is a close second. He’s so cute and just really sweet and their date seemed to go pretty well. They fly kites, hang out by a fire at the beach and talk. DeAnna seems pretty bothered by the fact that Graham has only had one serious relationship that recently ended and for a minute it seems that she isn’t going to give him the rose, which would mean that we say goodbye to Graham. But, no. He gets the rose. He’s a little hard to read, so I can't predict what's going to happen. I think I need some more time with him ;)

When they come back from their date, Twilley is waiting for DeAnna. Waiting outside, in the bushes. Stalk much? This guy is really creepy. He tells her something like he wants her to know there’s another side to him, blah, blah. The fact does remain though that he's a stalker. And really creepy. DeAnna needs to get rid of him. Now.

The second group date goes to Chris, Robert, Brian, Jesse, Ron, Jeremy, and Eric and their group goes to Dodger Stadium, hangs out on the field and has a home run derby with Tommy LaSorda. Having nothing to do with DeAnna, these guys were totally psyched! Chris sings the national anthem poorly and has no idea of the words. Ummm….really? The winner of the home run derby gets some alone time with DeAnna. It’s Jeremy. He reveals to her that both of his parents have passed away, and DeAnna feels a bond with him. You do feel bad for him, but he’s still a dork. And she gives him the rose. Oy.

Back at the house, Jason decides to tell the rest of the guys about his son at home. They don’t seem to care too much, although I do wonder if one of them will stick this information in their back pocket and tell DeAnna about it before Jason does. If they do, Jason is sunk. I hope this doesn’t happen.

Now the guys are getting girly again and get all mad that Jeremy has two roses and gets to be in the mansion for a second week in a row. They act like he should have refused it to give everyone an equal shot. What the ….? One of the dumbest things I’ve ever heard.

This is getting really long so I’m going to give you just a few highlights of the weekly cocktail party. Ron asks DeAnna (in front of others) why Jeremy got two roses. DeAnna handled it pretty well and didn’t talk about what Jeremy had told her about his parents, which was really great of her. She then tells Twilley that she thought it was weird that he waited for her after her date with Graham. Go DeAnna! Then Jeremy talks to DeAnna about how the guys are mad at him and then kisses her. I think he’ll stay around for awhile, but won’t be in the finals. Lastly, the guys have a push up contest. Jesse wins, even though Ryan thinks he has it in the bag because he’s a pro football player. Sorry Ryan!

The 9 roses go to Ron, Jesse, Robert, Brian, Jason, Fred, Sean, Richard and Twilley (huh??). And Eric, Chris and Ryan (no surprise there) go home.

Twilley is MUCH worse than any of the guys eliminated, even Ryan. So I think she made a mistake there. Hopefully he’ll be gone next week.

Any predictions on the finals? Right now I am rooting for Jason, but also like Graham, Jesse and Brian, who although pretty quiet, seems extremely genuine. I'd love to hear what you think, leave a comment below!

The New Bachelorette

I think that I have watched one season of The Bachelor in its entirety. I did though watch the entire season of The Bachelorette with Jen Sheft, all the way through to the disastrous ending, and also the season with Trista and Ryan (awww.....). On the seasons of The Bachelor, I've usually watched the last episode. On the last season, Bachelor Brad Womack cheesed out, couldn't commit and didn't pick anyone. He did though break a heart. DeAnna's. Twice. And guess what? Yup, DeAnna is the newest Bachelorette. She's young, sweet and adorable. And we're going to follow her this season. Yup, I am going to commit to watching The Bachelorette this season! Because, you know, as a mom, wife, business owner, employee, blogger and friend, I don't have enough to do.

So here's our first recap. **Don't read this if you have The Bachelorette on TIVO because there are spoilers**

The first episode was two hours, which is pretty much too long for a TV show (unless it is Grey's Anatomy). This recap is not going to be that long.

The first part of the show reviewed DeAnna's humiliation with Brad. How he didn't choose her. How she was miserable. And how, at the reunion show, he didn't choose her again. So the host (what's his name??) says, "This time, DeAnna will be the one breaking hearts." Does that mean we are going to see these men cry? Oy.

The show moves on to show little clips of some of the guys. They are mostly shirtless, shaving, getting dressed and packing. The do though show Sean breaking wood (get your minds out of the gutter, he's a martial-arts master) and Richard incredibly into teaching his science class in Binghamton (go NY!). Another guy talks about his divorce and then they show Luke picking oysters. Yup, that's his job. He's an oyster picker. They show more guys in the shower and one even demonstrates how he does his hair. Wow, this show is really deep. And there really isn't anything else on TV. Ryan goes on to talk about how he's very religious, doesn't drink, smoke or cuss and is a virgin. And he's wondering how DeAnna will deal with that. My first impression is that some alot of these guys are dorky. And then they introduce Jason. A single dad from Washington state. They show him putting his son to sleep, talking about being separated to his son. As a mom, it's heartbreaking. But this guy is my favorite. He's so my favorite that I already want him to win. He's adorable, so that doesn't hurt.

On to the guys meeting DeAnna. The voice over is all of these guys talking smack about Brad Womack. Oh, and how their moms are happy because now DeAnna could be with them. One of the guys in the limo even warns another one not to throw up on DeAnna. Oy vey.

Oh wait, before they meet Brad, Cris takes DeAnna into another room and talks for another few minutes about Brad. And how he broke her heart. Twice.

Okay, now it's really time for the guys to meet DeAnna. One by one, each guy comes out of the limo and has about thirty seconds with DeAnna. I'm hoping that the editing is just really bad because these meetings are extremely awkward. So much so that it makes me uncomfortable. And embarrased for alot of them. And I'm thinking - where on earth did they find all of these guys?? It must be slim pickings for bachelors these days, because these guys...let's just say that words can not describe them.

Here's each guy in summary:
Brian from Texas - he looks older than his 31 years, but he comes out with some cheesy line about why he's doing the show.
Paul - he's short. That's my first impression. He's from Canada and okay, he twirls her around. Hmmm...
Graham - he's cute, in a very tall and lanky sort of way.
Sean - here's the Martial Arts master. He totally needs a haircut.
Rich - the science teacher who is impressed with the fact that he did not trip on the way to DeAnna. But he wants to talk about campfire stories with her. Huh?
Jason - He's awesome. And he speaks Greek to DeAnna (did I mention that she is Greek??). And he's not even Greek. But he's still adorable.
Spero - sort of Elvis Costello-ish looking. I'm confused because his name sounds Greek, but he doesn't say anything about being Greek. Hmmm..
Jesse - skater dude. Wearing some crazy jacket and jeans and the only thing DeAnna says to him is "You got really dressed up." Uh-oh. Things do not look good for Jesse.
John - this is the guy that did his hair. He does nothing for me.
Chris - he says alot of "awesome" and looks at her dress and says "bling bling". Huh?

Cut to the guys talking inside, like a bunch of girls. This has got to be scripted because guys DO NOT talk like this. Ever.

Second limo:
Brian from Indiana - he's really tall, admits that he's nervous and seems to be okay.
Jeffrey and Don really leave no impression at all.
Ryan - immediately talks about how strong he is in his faith. Is that something you bring up right away?
Blaine, aka Twilley - what?? He looks like Pee Wee Herman. And is amazed that DeAnna hugs him.

There's 10 more left. Have I lost you yet? This is quick. Imagine having to watch this. It's almost painful. Almost painful enough to decide not to watch the rest of the season. But the "coming soon" shows one guy howling like a coyote. I feel like I'm in a twilight zone. Bachelorette induced.

On to the last 10....

Ron - he's not wearing his suit jacket. Why? He left it in the car.
Patrick C. - John Mayer-ish looking guy with the floppy hair. he's cute, in a grungy sort of way.
Luke - here's the oyster farmer. DeAnna says, "Tell me something funny." He says, "Something funny? Okay, you look great." Huh? DeAnna feels the same way. Lots of nervous laughter. Things are not looking good for Luke.
Eric - another Greek speaker. After Jason, he's already my second fave.
Robert - very tall. And he does a little salsa with DeAnna. And he's a chef which is great.
Chandler - he keeps looking off to the site. What is he looking at? DeAnna asks him and he says that he's looking at her. Dude, she's not on the other side of the house.
Greg - he gets bonus points from me because he's from New York City.
Fred - the craziest Chicago accent I've ever heard. I'm also wondering if he brushed his hair. He looks like he's got bed head. Really bad bed head.
Patrick D. and Jeremy - the final two and they are totally blah. I've got nothing to say about either of them.

The next half hour is spent with all of these guys trying to talk to DeAnna. It's long and on the boring side but here are the highlights.
- Jason gets the first alone time with DeAnna. He's still adorable. And he's waiting to tell her about his son. Smart move, Jason!
- DeAnna's friend Jenni comes to interview the guys and help out. Don is wasted and asks Jenni to sit on his lap. Okay, he's totally history. What a pig. She really likes Graham, Jason and Jesse.
- The first impression roses (3 of them!!) got to Jeremy (can't figure that one out), Richard and Jesse. Wow, Jesse rose from the ashes. He's cute!
- Martial arts master sets up and kicks a rose off of Jesse's head. Hmmm.
- Paul jumps in the pool, strips down to his little speedo that says "DeAnna" on the butt. Really odd. But she does notice him. And, by the ending rose ceremony, his clothes are dry. Must be "reality" television.
- DeAnna sits outside with Ryan and a blanket. Or rather, Ryan, under a blanket. And she is freezing. Luckily, Spero saves the day and comes out and gives her his coat and chastises Ryan. Not a great start for the guys.
- Robert throws on an apron and starts cooking an appetizer for DeAnna, which impressed me. Robert is rising in my eyes.
- Eric talks to DeAnna about their Greek families and the Greek wedding they are going to have.
- Chandler whips out a duck caller and Brian from Indiana forces DeAnna to feel his abs. Psycho?

On to the rose ceremony. 10 guys are going home. Thank god. I thought this season was going to go into 2009. However, it's mostly not surprising who gets a rose and who goes home. Here's the breakdown:

Staying - Ron, Graham, Eric, Robert, Twilley, Sean, Ryan, Paul, Fred, Jason, Jesse, Richard, Jeremy, Brian from Texas and Chris.

Going - Don, Chandler, Greg, Brian from Indiana, Luke, Spero, John, Jeffrey, Patrick C. and Patrcik D.

I could make this longer but I'm totally going to stop here. It's going to be a LONG season.