A Letter to The Bachelorette

Dear DeAnna -

Please tell me that last night I had a major nightmare and in it, you chose Jesse over Jason. Please say that that didn't really happen. Being that I am pretty sure that Jesse is the reality, I have to tell you that I am very disappointed in your decision. On so many levels. And although Jesse is a rad guy with a great handshake, I can almost promise you that later on when you are a little bit wiser than your 26 years, you will look back and regret this decision.

Jason is the complete package - he's adorable, devoted, a great dad and has a great family. He's looking for love, looking for commitment and wanted to spend the rest of his life with you. Jason would be loyal, he would love you forever. He's got a great job, would be able to support you and any kids that came along and is all around amazing. His family is big and fun, and they accepted you with open arms and wanted you to join them. This guy took off his suit of armor and let you in, and you behaved as you swore you wouldn't - you acted just like Brad.

Jesse is cute and fun, and his life in Breck is probably totally awesome, but didn't it bother you in the least that everytime he saw you, he thought you were "so hot" and everything you did was "so ridiculous"? Of course the dates were amazing, ABC was footing the bill. Sweetie, your life is not going to be anywhere near what you experienced the past 6 weeks. Do you think that Jesse will be able to support you and children financially while he's snowboarding? What happens when he gets hurt? Or old? What will he be doing after he turns 30 (gasp), other than looking exactly like his dad?

Oh DeAnna, from the beginning my bets were on Jason. From the very first episode. He was so sincere and was there for all the right reasons. He was there for love. I have to say, I was surprised when you kept advancing Twilley, but in retrospect, I think that that had to be the part of the producers. No woman looking for love would keep Twilley around, he's a total idiot. Jesse was the clown, the fun guy, he brought some spunk to the duds on this show. I liked him and was happy you kept giving him roses, but I certainly never thought he would wind up in the final 2, much less the last man standing. I thought the end would be Jeremy and Jason. Don't get me wrong, I'm glad you eliminated Jeremy. He wasn't right for you. He actually was a little bit on the creepy side. Other than losing a parent, you really had nothing in common. And he was a little too over the top. And did I mention a little creepy?

But Jesse? Really? What can he provide for you? Fun going down a mountain? Endless pairs of pink shoelaces? He didn't even have an answer for your dad when he asked him what he would do when his snowboarding career is over. Are you really going to live in Breckenridge? In the snow? Because there's no way that Jesse is going to move to Atlanta. You can't snowboard there. And I'm sure that Atlanta doesn't rank up there on his list of rad places to live. Plus your family makes him way too nervous to be around them for extended periods of time, ie, more than 10 minutes.

Enough about you being a "free spirit". Seriously. You're looking for your soulmate, someone to marry and have children with. Your days of being a free spirit are over. If you were going to make a bad decision, you should have chosen Graham. That would have at least been fun.

Jesse will always be a little boy. He's like Peter Pan, he'll never grow up. That might be a problem after a few years and a couple of kids because you will always feel like you have an extra child. But you will grow up, DeAnna, and you will want grown up things. You'll want conversations that go beyond "you're hot" and "totally ridiculous".

I do wish you happiness, but I know enough to be certain that you and Jesse just aren't meant to be. I don't think that you two will ever get married, and if you do, it will be very short lived. You'll look back on your days of Bachelorette-dom and regret your decision to ever let Jason get away from you.

Oh, DeAnna, Jesse is so not right for you. You made a really bad decision. Keep thanking Brad, because he's definitely having a good laugh right about now.

Love,
Your friends in NY